wow. new blogger is nice.
i was just flipping through the year book and thinking, damn I'm gonna miss these people I shouldnt be bitchy to them eh? Weird how the mind works. You say one thing in their yearbook like you were a great friend, and in real life you guys dont get along too well. my theory is.. towards the end of the year, the feelings that come out are the ones that.. well I'm not sure how to word it. It's kind of like you want to be this way because you know it's good. You want to be nice because its the end of the year and you know being nice is a good thing. blah i don't make sense ever. but ugh. i hate that i am naturally a bitch to certain people. i have mad love for them, but when im irritated, i will just bitch at them. i hope you guys realize that I really do love you guys and I just have a very weird personality.
today, My mom lectured me about my clothes. They are too tight, and my shorts are too short. Gosh. To be honest, my friends are alot "sluttier" than I am. If you think along the terms my mom does at least. I'm just getting sick and tired of my mom hating what I wear. I'm normal god damn it. Tee shirt, jacket, pants. shorts arent even that fuckin short. shirts not tight at all. pants maybe two pairs are tight cuz they shrunk and/or i got fat. *sigH* it really actually makes me sad to realize that my mom doesn't understand me on any terms. How I think, how I dress, how I eat, why I stay up, why I get upset. she just doesn't get it. I think it broke her heart to realize that today too. We used to be so close. You know how it is.. the only girl out of 4 children has to be close to the mother. And I was close with her. I just wish she'd realize that she raised a very opinionated, open minded, strong willed daughter.. but I guess a Chinese mother wants none of those things. She wants me to be a good wife, clean the house, and obey my future husband that I will not marry because of love. I just feel like my mom wants me to be like the girls in China back in the day. When I have a daughter, I hope I will remember all the things I stated.. and maybe. just maybe, i'll be able to accept my daughter for who she is and not try to mold her into my own perfect image that I wanted myself to be when i was her age.
On a more shallow note:
I want more money to buy clothes. Hope my mommy lets me go shopping with her this weekend so she can approve or not approve of the clothes I wanna buy and she can pay! w00t.
Also.. MIke.. this commenting system isn't apart of blogger. i got it somewhere else.
[edit 3:26 am]
what still puzzles me.. is that during the teenage years, we grow attached to our friends more than our family. Friends are great, I know because well i have alotta good friends. But family. Family, like your mom, dad, and brothers won't back stab you and they truely love you. But knowing all of that, why do we still depend on friends more than family?
Same goes for guys. Why does it seem to be that I depend on one guy to put a smile on my face. One guy to make all my troubles seem so far away. And one guy who can just step all over my heart without having the least bit intention to do so. i'm sick and tired of that, but I'm just attached. But even when I can finally let go, I'm going to be scared for a while. Scared that I'll feel the same way towards another person, and getting into the same situation all over again. leading me no where in life
i was just flipping through the year book and thinking, damn I'm gonna miss these people I shouldnt be bitchy to them eh? Weird how the mind works. You say one thing in their yearbook like you were a great friend, and in real life you guys dont get along too well. my theory is.. towards the end of the year, the feelings that come out are the ones that.. well I'm not sure how to word it. It's kind of like you want to be this way because you know it's good. You want to be nice because its the end of the year and you know being nice is a good thing. blah i don't make sense ever. but ugh. i hate that i am naturally a bitch to certain people. i have mad love for them, but when im irritated, i will just bitch at them. i hope you guys realize that I really do love you guys and I just have a very weird personality.
today, My mom lectured me about my clothes. They are too tight, and my shorts are too short. Gosh. To be honest, my friends are alot "sluttier" than I am. If you think along the terms my mom does at least. I'm just getting sick and tired of my mom hating what I wear. I'm normal god damn it. Tee shirt, jacket, pants. shorts arent even that fuckin short. shirts not tight at all. pants maybe two pairs are tight cuz they shrunk and/or i got fat. *sigH* it really actually makes me sad to realize that my mom doesn't understand me on any terms. How I think, how I dress, how I eat, why I stay up, why I get upset. she just doesn't get it. I think it broke her heart to realize that today too. We used to be so close. You know how it is.. the only girl out of 4 children has to be close to the mother. And I was close with her. I just wish she'd realize that she raised a very opinionated, open minded, strong willed daughter.. but I guess a Chinese mother wants none of those things. She wants me to be a good wife, clean the house, and obey my future husband that I will not marry because of love. I just feel like my mom wants me to be like the girls in China back in the day. When I have a daughter, I hope I will remember all the things I stated.. and maybe. just maybe, i'll be able to accept my daughter for who she is and not try to mold her into my own perfect image that I wanted myself to be when i was her age.
On a more shallow note:
I want more money to buy clothes. Hope my mommy lets me go shopping with her this weekend so she can approve or not approve of the clothes I wanna buy and she can pay! w00t.
Also.. MIke.. this commenting system isn't apart of blogger. i got it somewhere else.
[edit 3:26 am]
what still puzzles me.. is that during the teenage years, we grow attached to our friends more than our family. Friends are great, I know because well i have alotta good friends. But family. Family, like your mom, dad, and brothers won't back stab you and they truely love you. But knowing all of that, why do we still depend on friends more than family?
Same goes for guys. Why does it seem to be that I depend on one guy to put a smile on my face. One guy to make all my troubles seem so far away. And one guy who can just step all over my heart without having the least bit intention to do so. i'm sick and tired of that, but I'm just attached. But even when I can finally let go, I'm going to be scared for a while. Scared that I'll feel the same way towards another person, and getting into the same situation all over again. leading me no where in life
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