Not to sound like I am a comment hungry blogger, but If people don't use the comments more, then I don't even wanna have it there since seeing numerous Comments (1)/(2) doesn't make me think I even need it in there. Also, it's amazing how I can get so many comments and props off of xanga compared to a comment on my blog. I don't even use my xanga shiet!. I think I should redirect my xanga to my blog, but I doubt that will be of anyuse since I have TWO LINKS in my xanga to link to my blog. Eh Well if it's still not being put to good use, I'm going to take it off in about a week.
Anyway, on to something that is more important to me.. I KNOW that I won't be able to keep in touch with people I'm really close to now. I'm not going to lie about that crap. It's going to be hard to talk to them all the time and stay as close. Between school, chinese school, and hw I don't know how much I can even talk to those friends that go to the same school. I know me and Eliza will lose touch for a few months then things will get back to normal again once we both get well adjusted. Happens every year. I honestly wonder how I'm going to keep in tough with Kristie. We hardly talked at all during the summer except for the few occasions when I asked her to go somewhere with me. I'm angry at myself for not trying to spend more time with her. No offense to Connie and Eliza, but I might have spent too much time with them and neglected others.. In reality,this summer's events haven't been that different than other summers, but somehow, I feel as if this summer was great. I got over something that I've been trying to get over for about half a year now. It had a costly expense, but I think everything turned out for the best. I discovered the comforts of my home and found things to keep be from being bored. I must admit that I spent a lot of time at home either on the computer, or watching tv.. I read Harry Potter probably too many times, but it was fun. My summer wasn't put to great use in the productive sense, but it was great for me mentally. I had my ups and downs, but I think I was overall happier than I was in any other summer. I definitely feel aprehensive about going to school in about 3 days.. I don't know what to do about that anxiety and nervousness I'm experiencing now.. I just hope that my real experience at Lowell will prove my thoughts about the place wrong. I always hear people saying how fun and great it is there.. I sure hope it's the same way for me.
Another thing that came to mind is that.. after orientation, seeing all those girls dressed up and everything made me realize that I don't really like that style. I'm starting to hate alot of my clothes and the jeans I have that are getting too tight after each wash. I wish I could have enough of each type of clothes to match my always-changing moods. AHH I feel very.. well I don't feel hypocritical about saying I don't like this thing and then later changing my mind and buying it since everyone has the right to change their mind.. but in many other people's eyes I will be hypocritical. Oh well. And I hope people at Lowell aren't judgemental and all that shit. I imagine it to be a easy-going environment where everyone minds their own business. That would definitely rock. Learning lots of stuff, people with different styles and personalities everywhere, meeting great people. Before I attended the orientation, I had a whole image of the type of people who would be attending the school. I imagined boppers of course, those "thugish" guys, punk-ish people, people that are into alternative music and shit like that. I don't know if it's true or not since I didn't really meet many people, but I saw plenty of bopper-ish people. My fear! AHHHHHHHHH. If I get any more bopper-ish I'm going to be REALLY frightened of myself.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like blogging about everything thats on my mind. I feel as if I've been restricting myself too much and keeping things to myself. I really really wanna meet some cool white guys. White guys who are into alternative music. Kind of vintage clothing.. grungy-ish but still very cool. Thats top on my list haha. I also want to meet some more people who share the same interests as me. I want a friend who knows make-up but isn't all like girly. I want to meet some people who like to discuss things such as religion, beliefs in like fate, music. I guess I'm having high expectations of people but those are just the things I want. I mean I love my friends now, but I just feel like we're either too different, or too much alike. Or we just don't talk about things that are really interesting to me. I'm not really sure what kinds of people I wanna meet. None of the things I stated made too much sense.. *sigh* blabbering is a sign of nervousness.
I'm also worried about my schedule. =/ I want mandarin pretty badly. I definitely don't want Jap, or Spanish. For everything else, I don't really care. I wish I could have late schedule... That would totally rock! But then again I'd get out late. eHh Iono.. I just want Mandarin! I NEED IT! ahhhh. I also don't want to eat lunch alone. haha. One of my worse fears at Lowell will be eating by myself. I hate being alone in a crowd of people I don't know. -___- And I don't want to go around looking for people and never finding them. AHHHH I can't be that independent! DAMN IT Lowell is a place where everyone has to be independent. That sucks ass! ahhh ajsd f;lkajsflja lfkja;sfdja;s lfdja;s lfkjal;sfjas lfk
----ยป the end of my blabbering for now
Anyway, on to something that is more important to me.. I KNOW that I won't be able to keep in touch with people I'm really close to now. I'm not going to lie about that crap. It's going to be hard to talk to them all the time and stay as close. Between school, chinese school, and hw I don't know how much I can even talk to those friends that go to the same school. I know me and Eliza will lose touch for a few months then things will get back to normal again once we both get well adjusted. Happens every year. I honestly wonder how I'm going to keep in tough with Kristie. We hardly talked at all during the summer except for the few occasions when I asked her to go somewhere with me. I'm angry at myself for not trying to spend more time with her. No offense to Connie and Eliza, but I might have spent too much time with them and neglected others.. In reality,this summer's events haven't been that different than other summers, but somehow, I feel as if this summer was great. I got over something that I've been trying to get over for about half a year now. It had a costly expense, but I think everything turned out for the best. I discovered the comforts of my home and found things to keep be from being bored. I must admit that I spent a lot of time at home either on the computer, or watching tv.. I read Harry Potter probably too many times, but it was fun. My summer wasn't put to great use in the productive sense, but it was great for me mentally. I had my ups and downs, but I think I was overall happier than I was in any other summer. I definitely feel aprehensive about going to school in about 3 days.. I don't know what to do about that anxiety and nervousness I'm experiencing now.. I just hope that my real experience at Lowell will prove my thoughts about the place wrong. I always hear people saying how fun and great it is there.. I sure hope it's the same way for me.
Another thing that came to mind is that.. after orientation, seeing all those girls dressed up and everything made me realize that I don't really like that style. I'm starting to hate alot of my clothes and the jeans I have that are getting too tight after each wash. I wish I could have enough of each type of clothes to match my always-changing moods. AHH I feel very.. well I don't feel hypocritical about saying I don't like this thing and then later changing my mind and buying it since everyone has the right to change their mind.. but in many other people's eyes I will be hypocritical. Oh well. And I hope people at Lowell aren't judgemental and all that shit. I imagine it to be a easy-going environment where everyone minds their own business. That would definitely rock. Learning lots of stuff, people with different styles and personalities everywhere, meeting great people. Before I attended the orientation, I had a whole image of the type of people who would be attending the school. I imagined boppers of course, those "thugish" guys, punk-ish people, people that are into alternative music and shit like that. I don't know if it's true or not since I didn't really meet many people, but I saw plenty of bopper-ish people. My fear! AHHHHHHHHH. If I get any more bopper-ish I'm going to be REALLY frightened of myself.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like blogging about everything thats on my mind. I feel as if I've been restricting myself too much and keeping things to myself. I really really wanna meet some cool white guys. White guys who are into alternative music. Kind of vintage clothing.. grungy-ish but still very cool. Thats top on my list haha. I also want to meet some more people who share the same interests as me. I want a friend who knows make-up but isn't all like girly. I want to meet some people who like to discuss things such as religion, beliefs in like fate, music. I guess I'm having high expectations of people but those are just the things I want. I mean I love my friends now, but I just feel like we're either too different, or too much alike. Or we just don't talk about things that are really interesting to me. I'm not really sure what kinds of people I wanna meet. None of the things I stated made too much sense.. *sigh* blabbering is a sign of nervousness.
I'm also worried about my schedule. =/ I want mandarin pretty badly. I definitely don't want Jap, or Spanish. For everything else, I don't really care. I wish I could have late schedule... That would totally rock! But then again I'd get out late. eHh Iono.. I just want Mandarin! I NEED IT! ahhhh. I also don't want to eat lunch alone. haha. One of my worse fears at Lowell will be eating by myself. I hate being alone in a crowd of people I don't know. -___- And I don't want to go around looking for people and never finding them. AHHHH I can't be that independent! DAMN IT Lowell is a place where everyone has to be independent. That sucks ass! ahhh ajsd f;lkajsflja lfkja;sfdja;s lfdja;s lfkjal;sfjas lfk
----ยป the end of my blabbering for now
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