I Just Don't Know Anymore

Okay.. So in case none of you readers have gotten a direct bitching from me, I will explain some things. Today was one of my more shitty days. I knew it would be shitty since last night when I went to sleep with none of my homework done. I slept at about 10:30 and I tried to wake up at around 5 to finish it. I guess I fell back asleep.. So I ended up waking up about 15 minutes before I had to leave. I got dressed real quick. Straightened my hair and all that crap. I ate "breakfast" in like 3 minutes before my first class after I did my hw in the library. I did that in like 10 minutes. Shitty ass job, but I didn't have alot of time. the rest of the day was yeah whatevers. I wasn't in the worse mood later on after Chinese, but I wasn't really really happy or anything. I don't know how uphappy I seem or am at school. I just start feeling all shitty once I step through my door. I'm tired of the lack of energy. I feel like I don't have enough energy to even laugh or smile. All of that is just making me pissy and miserable. Man. I bitched alittle at Scott today. Quite frankly, I don't care right now. But that's just RIGHT NOW. I can 100% guarantee that I'll be trippen over it soon enough. So I guess that's who I am now. For better or worse.. Most likely worse, I'm just like this. So yeah, I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I can do it make myself feel better. All I seem to be doing is getting pissed and bitching at people I love. I realize all of this now, but when I'm in the process of "bitching" I don't think about it. I find it extremely funny how the human mind works. When we're angry we lose control. But afterwards, at night or something, when we rethink about the events we had during the day, remorse fills us. Or at least that's the case for me. And to anyone who reads this.. Don't badger me about Lowell related things. i.e. saying how lucky I am to be there and how I should like it. I just don't want to hear it. Because YOU are not ME. I experience things completely differently than you. I certainly hope that my views will change soon enough. Or else I'll just be drowning myself in a bubble of misery for a whole entire year.