I'm Shallow
For the past two days, I've gone on morning jogs around the Polo Fields with Eliza. I wish I could say that I'm doing it for my health, but I'm only jogging because I got fat over the past year or so. Okay whatever, everyone says I'm average weight, but if I'm not satisfied, then that's just how it is. My goal is to be under 110 pounds by the end of this summer. I'll settle for more mucles and less fat though. As long ast here is a visible change, I'll be happy.
Thinking about my motives for jogging led me to realize how much we hold back because of our self concious tendencies and shallowness. I'm going to be honest and say that I've stopped myself from liking certain guys because I didn't think they were "cool" enough for my friends. I know I come off as someone who doesn't really care about the opinions of others, but I'm just as self concious. As I think back to my elementary school days, I realize that although I was shallow back then, it doesn't compare to how shallow I am now. The only guys I refused to like were the disgusting ones that picked their boogers and farted. These days, in addition to suitable personalities, I also look for a male with a nice body that dresses well. Hair is an important one too. Shoes.. everything. In the past two years or so, the only guy I liked that I think dresses well is Gary. Although his clothes are a bit baggy, at least they're all expensive shit. Is my shallowness becoming more apparent now?
No matter what girls say, these things matter just as much as personality. I can't like a guy that my friends would secretly ridicule.. that would be awful. So all the decent guys that I ever consider are filtered out by my "coolness" detector. It's all illogical since I'm not even popular myself! I have some nerve evaluating coolness eh?
I guess I can make myself feel better by saying that it's natural to have preferences. If you don't like them, then you just dont. I wish highschool didn't exist, because I wouldn't need to worry about my image. There are too many bastards out in the real world to really care what they think, but in highschool, your image is important for survival.
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On a whole different subject, I finished reading The Footprints of God today. A decent book for it's price, I must say. It made a reference to Frederick Nietzsche, or however you spell it, and his superman. Euro really did have a difference in my life <3 haha
Thinking about my motives for jogging led me to realize how much we hold back because of our self concious tendencies and shallowness. I'm going to be honest and say that I've stopped myself from liking certain guys because I didn't think they were "cool" enough for my friends. I know I come off as someone who doesn't really care about the opinions of others, but I'm just as self concious. As I think back to my elementary school days, I realize that although I was shallow back then, it doesn't compare to how shallow I am now. The only guys I refused to like were the disgusting ones that picked their boogers and farted. These days, in addition to suitable personalities, I also look for a male with a nice body that dresses well. Hair is an important one too. Shoes.. everything. In the past two years or so, the only guy I liked that I think dresses well is Gary. Although his clothes are a bit baggy, at least they're all expensive shit. Is my shallowness becoming more apparent now?
No matter what girls say, these things matter just as much as personality. I can't like a guy that my friends would secretly ridicule.. that would be awful. So all the decent guys that I ever consider are filtered out by my "coolness" detector. It's all illogical since I'm not even popular myself! I have some nerve evaluating coolness eh?
I guess I can make myself feel better by saying that it's natural to have preferences. If you don't like them, then you just dont. I wish highschool didn't exist, because I wouldn't need to worry about my image. There are too many bastards out in the real world to really care what they think, but in highschool, your image is important for survival.
--------------------------------
On a whole different subject, I finished reading The Footprints of God today. A decent book for it's price, I must say. It made a reference to Frederick Nietzsche, or however you spell it, and his superman. Euro really did have a difference in my life <3 haha
2 Comments:
no wonder you don't like me.
that was jon btw -.-.--.-
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