A taste of how bad it has actually been...

The weekends are the worse because there's time to get emotional, and yell, and all that crap. Friday afternoons, I either sleep early, do homework, or sit in front of the computer for a few hours. On the days that I sit in front of the computer, I get the "why don't you go to sleep instead of sitting in front of the computer?" I in turn scream and say "DAMN IT I NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING THAT ISN'T SCHOOL RELATED OR THAT MAKES ME HAPPY! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE." My mom walks out, probably emotionally bruised from that yelling episode. The next day comes, which is my mom trying to wake me up for Chinese School. This isn't always yelling, but I sure as hell try to stay in bed as long as I can. I'm not sure why, but Saturday mornings are the worst for me. It's always really cold, and I'm always tired even if I sleep for at least 8 hours the night before. This week, I decided to be an asshole and sleep in. I got up at about 8:15, the time I normally leave for Chinese school. But my hair felt greasy so I decided to wash it and that took forever. By the time I get back in my room to get dressed, its about 8:30. I felt sluggish and congested, so I took my time and finally at around 8:45, my mom comes in and asks tells me that Dennis already left because you took so long. "Do you want to go to school? Because if you do, you better leave right now. Your dad has to get back at a certain time..." I rebelliously replied with "OKAY! I'm going to stay home!" I went back to sleep and I woke up at about 2 pm from my grandma yelling at me to help her turn off the microwave. This time, she was in tears because she was afraid that the microwave was going to explode. This is my weekly life. It sucks so fucking much that my whole family is unhappy because of me. And it sucks so fucking much that they add on to my already stressful and unhappy life.

My mom gave me an ultimatum while I was heating up my vegetables just a few minutes ago. She said I either get back into Chinese School and learn, or I quit for this year and go back the next year. And if I decide to do that, I need to reailze that I won't be getting rides home next year. Not getting the point? My mom has given up on me and is allowing me to quit Chinese school out of anger. I don't know if you see it as a way out, but I see it as me having committed one of the biggest crimes ever because my mom has never allowed any of my brothers to quit Chinese School. She says that I shouldn't be going if it's making me this unhappy. I wish that applied to regular school. My relationship with everyone in my family is sort of at it's breaking point. They can't handle any more of my shit, and I can't even help what I'm doing. I know I should be sucking it up, but I don't know why I'm not.

GO AWAY DAMN IT. I don't want this shit anymore.