damn it. i tried all morning to get on this thing. grrrr... i just realized how much i should appreciate everything I have. This year, I got tons of presents and most of them were things i wanted. and I guess I feel pretty selfish. heh. But it's weird because I got alot of presents from people I got close with only this year like matthew. And i am glad that we got closer.. I opened myself up to more people this year and that made a huge difference. I know who I can go to for things and who not to go to. And I found people who would guard my secrets with their life.. and even if they can't always help me when i'm in need, i know they are killing themselves trying to think of a way to help me. and knowing that, I feel pretty special and i kind of think I have a place in this world after all.