I haven't talked to anyone online for about three days. Sure, I feel a bit lonely, but it also feels nice. What have I been doing? heh. I've been watching loads and loads of tv.
From tv, I've come to one conclusion: it can't be a complete waste of time, because there are some creative brilliant people out there who write phenomenal stories. Tv is like a book, except you don't use your imagination, which isn't good or bad, but there are some brilliant stories out there. I'm watching Good Will Hunting right now, and damn it's a great story. I don't even know what I'm talking about now. I really feel like I'm in one of the points of my life where I just feel confused. About everything.. Nothing specific of course, but I'm not exactly feeling confident in anything about me, my life, or my family. It's kind of a new feeling, because I don't feel like things are falling apart. I just feel like things are the way they are, and I don't have any feelings about it.. I feel like this is exactly what I asked for a few days ago. Not to be happy or sad. And it really is hard to say whether being unhappy is worse than feeling nothing. I don't want to see anyone that I didn't call up myself to go have a chat with. I don't want to deal with another person's feelings, or their problems or whatever right now. I just don't want to care. I just want to think about myself. Not being selfish thinking only about my own well-being.. I mean like I want to think about me, what i've done, how I feel, who I want to be. I wish it was possible to find myself in just a few days. I wish I could just grow up and have a family or something.
I just turned around for two seconds to watch part of good will hunting.. and i just reread that I wrote.. and it makes no sense to me why I wrote it. what the hell do I know, if i can't even handle these random feelings, how do i deal with kids? or people who depend on me. i just do not know what to say anymore. and normally it feels good to just ramble.. but i might actually feel worse now that i wrote what I wrote. i know most people would erase what they wrote.. in fear that the world will find what i say to be stupid as hell. eh maybe i should care. but im just a kid.. whateva
From tv, I've come to one conclusion: it can't be a complete waste of time, because there are some creative brilliant people out there who write phenomenal stories. Tv is like a book, except you don't use your imagination, which isn't good or bad, but there are some brilliant stories out there. I'm watching Good Will Hunting right now, and damn it's a great story. I don't even know what I'm talking about now. I really feel like I'm in one of the points of my life where I just feel confused. About everything.. Nothing specific of course, but I'm not exactly feeling confident in anything about me, my life, or my family. It's kind of a new feeling, because I don't feel like things are falling apart. I just feel like things are the way they are, and I don't have any feelings about it.. I feel like this is exactly what I asked for a few days ago. Not to be happy or sad. And it really is hard to say whether being unhappy is worse than feeling nothing. I don't want to see anyone that I didn't call up myself to go have a chat with. I don't want to deal with another person's feelings, or their problems or whatever right now. I just don't want to care. I just want to think about myself. Not being selfish thinking only about my own well-being.. I mean like I want to think about me, what i've done, how I feel, who I want to be. I wish it was possible to find myself in just a few days. I wish I could just grow up and have a family or something.
I just turned around for two seconds to watch part of good will hunting.. and i just reread that I wrote.. and it makes no sense to me why I wrote it. what the hell do I know, if i can't even handle these random feelings, how do i deal with kids? or people who depend on me. i just do not know what to say anymore. and normally it feels good to just ramble.. but i might actually feel worse now that i wrote what I wrote. i know most people would erase what they wrote.. in fear that the world will find what i say to be stupid as hell. eh maybe i should care. but im just a kid.. whateva
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