Distracted
Today was the first day of GSA (Gay- Straight Alliance). The turn out was huge, but I was not surprised.. I'm overjoyed that people are interested in joining GSA, but right when I saw people piling in, I knew that the intimacy of the club would be gone forever. I also know that I won't enjoy GSA as much as before. Am I being selfish for wanting GSA to not get support from people? I dunno.. I really hope the people who joined are dedicated, and are willing to stand up for the rights of homosexuals. I'll give them all a chance, but my frist impression isn't great. Most of them said homosexual instead of gay. I can tell they're all very hesitant to insult the gay members of the club or something along those lines.
School and everything that comes with it has been stressing me out more than I imagined to be possible. I mean, damn! I thought I was stressed out last year when I used to get very little sleep once in a while. Now, it's like I get 4 or 5 hours each day, constantly. I'm waiting for the day I accidentally fall asleep in Advanced Algebra. hah. I feel so overwelmed that, I literally just sit there sometimes, half focused on my surroundings. Is that called zoning out? I mean, I'm tired as heck, but I need to stay awake, so my mind just ends up drifting.. Well I am easily aggrivated these days, but I can also get really happy in an instant. Other than that, I don't feel as if I have enough time to feel any other emotions. I'd love to go on and on about who I want out of my life, who I want in my life, what my goals are, but it takes too long express those thoughts.
The word is indifferent right? ERGH. Well there goes a mood swing. I feel angry right now. I want to fucking cry because I need sleep, but if I fall asleep now, I fear that I will not wake up later on to study for my first AP Euro test. In addition to that load of homework, I need to do homework assigned from other classes. I'm tired of feeling tired. I don't want to be away from my friends during school. I fucking miss hanging out with Kelley at school. I don't want to go to fucking Chinese school on saturday. I'm fucking tired of my moods fluxuating. Why is it that I can't express how I feel when someone asks me. I want some money so I can go blow it on useless crap. I want to fucking just not go to school. I wanna meet up with Rodney and see how his trip to china went. I want to tell Robin to have a safe trip to China because he should be leaving soon. I want to call up one of the kids i chilled with at work named Angel. I want Iris to come home and tell me all about her trip to China. I want to meet a guy that does not see me as a sister. I want a gay guy friend that is just super cool. I want so much, I know I'm selfish, but I feel like I haven't been doing anything FOR myself since school started. I'm SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. I'm also tired of me helping people, and when I need help, they don't help me. I don't like sacraficing myself and getting nothing in return. It's bullshit.
I don't really care about anyone else at the moment. I don't think I'm being selfish either. Who knows. I want everyone to cater to my needs right now. I want mroe than 24 hours in a day so I have time to sleep and collect my thoughts if I want to. I will go to sleep now because I am tired. Lets pray that I can wake up and do homework around 10
School and everything that comes with it has been stressing me out more than I imagined to be possible. I mean, damn! I thought I was stressed out last year when I used to get very little sleep once in a while. Now, it's like I get 4 or 5 hours each day, constantly. I'm waiting for the day I accidentally fall asleep in Advanced Algebra. hah. I feel so overwelmed that, I literally just sit there sometimes, half focused on my surroundings. Is that called zoning out? I mean, I'm tired as heck, but I need to stay awake, so my mind just ends up drifting.. Well I am easily aggrivated these days, but I can also get really happy in an instant. Other than that, I don't feel as if I have enough time to feel any other emotions. I'd love to go on and on about who I want out of my life, who I want in my life, what my goals are, but it takes too long express those thoughts.
The word is indifferent right? ERGH. Well there goes a mood swing. I feel angry right now. I want to fucking cry because I need sleep, but if I fall asleep now, I fear that I will not wake up later on to study for my first AP Euro test. In addition to that load of homework, I need to do homework assigned from other classes. I'm tired of feeling tired. I don't want to be away from my friends during school. I fucking miss hanging out with Kelley at school. I don't want to go to fucking Chinese school on saturday. I'm fucking tired of my moods fluxuating. Why is it that I can't express how I feel when someone asks me. I want some money so I can go blow it on useless crap. I want to fucking just not go to school. I wanna meet up with Rodney and see how his trip to china went. I want to tell Robin to have a safe trip to China because he should be leaving soon. I want to call up one of the kids i chilled with at work named Angel. I want Iris to come home and tell me all about her trip to China. I want to meet a guy that does not see me as a sister. I want a gay guy friend that is just super cool. I want so much, I know I'm selfish, but I feel like I haven't been doing anything FOR myself since school started. I'm SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. I'm also tired of me helping people, and when I need help, they don't help me. I don't like sacraficing myself and getting nothing in return. It's bullshit.
I don't really care about anyone else at the moment. I don't think I'm being selfish either. Who knows. I want everyone to cater to my needs right now. I want mroe than 24 hours in a day so I have time to sleep and collect my thoughts if I want to. I will go to sleep now because I am tired. Lets pray that I can wake up and do homework around 10
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