A post or two ago, I said that I always had to swallow my feelings. I wake up at 5:56 in the morning and that is what I think about. I think about how it's always unfair that I'm the one that never gets what I want. It's even more unfair that I always set myself up for these types of situations. I mean I don't go into a friendship with those intentions. Especially in this case, all I was looking to find was an awesomely great friend. I find myself always thinking about why this keeps happening. Ever since Rye, I've been scared to have this happen to me again. I can't let this happen to me again. More importantly, I do not want this to happen to me again.

Damn it, this is not in the plan. It's not the same feeling as I had for Rye either. I just can't find another reason to explain why I care so damn much about how they're feeling every day. Why else would I got out of my way to try to keep them happy? No. This is different. It must be. I don't feel that little skip in my heart. I don't get all giddy and happy. Good.

So why do I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this?