Inconsistency
I've tried three times to come up with a good introduction to this entry, but I can't find a way to lead into all my scattered thoughts. Recent events, in addition to pms, have aroused quite a few things for me to think about.
People feel different. Old friends have changed, new friends are proving themselves to me, and I don't know what I am anymore. There are two possibilities... Either I've changed, thus making it seem as if others have changed, or else others have moved on and I haven't been able to go on with them. It's obviously time for us to go our separate ways and find our calling in life, but does that mean we have to leave one another behind?
Sacrifice is a must. I don't understand how some people can say, "when I get older, I'm going to move out and never look back." I feel bad for those individuals because they obviously had an unpleasant childhood, or even a lesser upbringing than my own. As much as I'd like to be free and independent, I know I won't succeed or be where I am now without the help and support my family supplies me with. Although this source of motivation wavers with every argument, it's the best one I have. Everything for the family is how it should be. Being selfish doesn't even seem like an option to me. Know your roots.
Before going to an unknown place, I always feel a lot of anxiety. Many hours are wasted lying in bed, worrying about the unpredictable future. When I'm gone, all I wish is to carpei dium, or seize the day. I don't want to hold myself from experiencing everything I can while I'm away from home. Hopefully I'll be able to live with no regrets for two weeks.
I can't imagine how life would be without certain people. I'm not the type to openly show someone how much I appreciate them because that's not how I grew up. I can only hope that they understand my subtle comments here and there.
Yesterday night, I was feeling moody and bitchy, so I decided to preoccupy myself by cleaning out a bunch of useless files on my computer. As I scrolled through hundreds of files sent to me through AIM, I realized how many items of homework Leslie has scanned and sent to me to "look at." In other words, he sent me a shit load of stuff to copy. It feels kind of empty without him here in SF for me to call up whenever I want someone to go with me somewhere. I can't remember when he said he'd be back, but dang it, I miss him. And even if he comes back soon, I'll be gone, so I probably won't see him until school starts.
I'm trying to understand why I've been so reclusive lately. If only money grew on trees... Shopping used to be so fun back when I was a prodigal child. Now, it's physically painful to spend money buying cheaply made clothing from brand name stores. I wish I were a better person because I know I've been falling short of my expectations as a friend, a student, a daughter, and a sister. It's impossible to prioritize those responsibilities because they're equally important.
People feel different. Old friends have changed, new friends are proving themselves to me, and I don't know what I am anymore. There are two possibilities... Either I've changed, thus making it seem as if others have changed, or else others have moved on and I haven't been able to go on with them. It's obviously time for us to go our separate ways and find our calling in life, but does that mean we have to leave one another behind?
Sacrifice is a must. I don't understand how some people can say, "when I get older, I'm going to move out and never look back." I feel bad for those individuals because they obviously had an unpleasant childhood, or even a lesser upbringing than my own. As much as I'd like to be free and independent, I know I won't succeed or be where I am now without the help and support my family supplies me with. Although this source of motivation wavers with every argument, it's the best one I have. Everything for the family is how it should be. Being selfish doesn't even seem like an option to me. Know your roots.
Before going to an unknown place, I always feel a lot of anxiety. Many hours are wasted lying in bed, worrying about the unpredictable future. When I'm gone, all I wish is to carpei dium, or seize the day. I don't want to hold myself from experiencing everything I can while I'm away from home. Hopefully I'll be able to live with no regrets for two weeks.
I can't imagine how life would be without certain people. I'm not the type to openly show someone how much I appreciate them because that's not how I grew up. I can only hope that they understand my subtle comments here and there.
Yesterday night, I was feeling moody and bitchy, so I decided to preoccupy myself by cleaning out a bunch of useless files on my computer. As I scrolled through hundreds of files sent to me through AIM, I realized how many items of homework Leslie has scanned and sent to me to "look at." In other words, he sent me a shit load of stuff to copy. It feels kind of empty without him here in SF for me to call up whenever I want someone to go with me somewhere. I can't remember when he said he'd be back, but dang it, I miss him. And even if he comes back soon, I'll be gone, so I probably won't see him until school starts.
I'm trying to understand why I've been so reclusive lately. If only money grew on trees... Shopping used to be so fun back when I was a prodigal child. Now, it's physically painful to spend money buying cheaply made clothing from brand name stores. I wish I were a better person because I know I've been falling short of my expectations as a friend, a student, a daughter, and a sister. It's impossible to prioritize those responsibilities because they're equally important.
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