Til Death Do Us Part

When I was younger, I always envisioned my life to consist of a corporate job, a family, and a loving hott ass white husband. And I always believed that when it was my time to die, my spouse would die with me, too. I took those wedding vows that I always hear on TV; you know, "til death do us part." I thought that meant that my husband and I would drop dead at the same time or something.

To this day, I think that would be the sweetest (as sweet as death can possibly be) way to end your life on earth. But what the hell are the chances that I would be that lucky? Many of my parent's friends died this year and I witnessed the pain it caused my parents, but more importantly, the pain inflicted on their spouses.

Selfishly, I want to be the one that dies first. I really don't want to have to watch my spouse die. For some reason though, I don't think I'll be lucky enought to have my wish granted. I just have a gut feeling that I'll watch a lot of my loved ones die before it's my time to have my organs taken out for donation and be cremated and thrown out into the ocean.

But what's been bothering me is the fact that we all know that the likelihood to die WITH your spouse isn't that great, yet we are always so grief stricken when they die. The worse part of death is how sudden it happens. It leaves room for too much regret, and that's probably the most painful part of the whole ordeal.

I'm afraid of death, but I don't want to live forever.