I just realized how little I care about school anymore. With all the emotional crap I feel like I have to deal with at this very moment, I don't think it's worth it to even bother with school.

You know, the teachers always tell you that they understand. Bull crap. If it doesn't directly affect you, then it's not like they care. Sitting here sulking because of a death that hardly even relates to me won't cut it as an excuse for not studying.

To be honest, I've written at least ten long posts trying to describe how I feel, but I decided that none of them really did my emotions justice. They all took so long to write, so I entirely wasted my days away doing nothing.

I've been thinking about how everyone says "He only takes the best," and while I'd like to say it, I wonder how that works if everyone will eventually die. So when I stumbled upon, "He only takes the good young," I felt that it was really appropriate. In a sense, I don't really believe it anyway. I think the world is just messed up and that's why she died. She isn't fucked up, but the world is to kill her so young.

This must be getting repetitive, but it's all I can think about.

I saw that some of her friends are selling tee shirts to raise money for her family. That made me feel really good. I want to do something, but I don't know what.

I think I can accept her death. Now I'm thinking about how her family is doing. How's William? He was close to her. I can't imagine how he feels and I don't want to.

Seriously. I just want to know why this happened. I know there is no answer, but I just want to know. What purpose does this serve? If it's for no reason, then the world sucks even more than I already knew.