Sometimes, when you're surrounded by a room full of people, don't you just want to get the hell away from that as soon as possible? I feel really suffocated lately, and it doesn't make sense! I barely even hang out with anyone and I try to exclude myself as much as I can. The only occasion I can think of where I hung out with people outside of school was one time this week with Eliza, and Saturday with Connie, which I really enjoyed. And somehow, as I am sitting here typing in my blog, I feel like I should have given my self more space this week. JEEZE. I feel like I'm crazy. How is it that I can feel lonely, yet I still want my space from everyone?!? My feelings are just constantly contradicting each other. But honestly, the best thing in the world is probably sleeping at around 11, and waking up around 10 the next day, eating breakfast, and watching friends, and taking occasional breaks to lay around in bed. Too bad school interferes with that kind of fun.

I wonder if anyone will understand how I can watch the same episodes of friends over and over again without ever getting tired of them.. Maybe I'm just some kind of freak, but it's like therapy for me. And although I don't usually admit it, I do see that dumbass television show as my dream life. I wish things were that easy to get out of and get through in the real world. I wish everything was all jokes.. Maybe that's why I love it so much eh? ---- That just reminded me of Tracy. When I'm around her, I can't help but forget about everything and just laugh my ass off. Every single time I've been with her this year has been nothing but laughs. Maybe some of you are thinking that a friendship should be deeper than that, but maybe there's some subliminal message we both get everytime we share a joke or something. Oh hell I don't even care, I love Tracy to death and I really miss her. I never thought I'd be in highschool without Tracy or Kristie. Just goes to show you that looking forward to things like that only smack you in the face later. Never look forward to things, because you will only be let down. Cynical and depressing, but true, the majority of the time.

I've been so wishywashy about my emotions lately.. so I guess it shouldn't be a big surprise that I want to hang out with my mom more. Just go with her to places she needs to go and just talk to her about whateverness. It's actually quite nice since she occasionally likes to buy me stuff. But no I'm really not about that kind of stuff. I love my mom. And I wish I could say that to her more, but it's just plain weird if I said Ngo oy lei to her. Damn Cantonese.. such a hard language to show your feelings through. And seriously, it's such an Asian thing to hide your feelings. I remember reading Amy Tan's books and she usually mentioned that they could never show their true emotions to their parents and vice versa. Another quick subject change.. Is it vice versa, or visa versa? Because Wenning says visa versa.. And I doubt him a lot because he's dyslexic! I'm kidding about that but I don't trust his ass. Time to jump on Geometry homework, then read for modern world.

AND LASTLY.. SCREW ALL YOU FUCKERS WHO HAVE WORTH FOR MODERN WORLD BECAUSE YOU GUYS DON'T APPRECIATE HIM ENOUGH. WHY CAN'T I BE IN HIS CLASS?! I WOULD GLADLY ACCEPT THE FOUR HOURS OF HOMEWORK YO!