How do you define yourself?

Something happened to today that was almost life changing. It's too important to write in a public blog, but I've reached new levels of yeah. I am going to dedicate myself to GSA more. I don't know what I've been doing. I think I'm less together, emotionally, this year than last. I would kick myself if I knew I'd turn out like this. I think about who I want to be, and that reminds me of that Gavin DeGraw song titled I don't Want to Be.

I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I’m trying to do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

Well that's exactly how I feel right now. I think I know what kind of person I want to be, but I'm not doing anything to achieve it. I was talking to Michael Kim and he told me that he has a friend who literally sets goals, gets motivated, and achieves those goals. When I think back to myself and wonder what goals I've reached lately.. I draw a blank. There's nothing. I hate that I keep talking about wanting to be a better person, but I never do it. I realize that I get motivation at odd times.. Usually really late at night, when I can think clearly. At that hour, I can't do anything at all.. So as time progresses, I lose sight of those goals.

Even though I say all those things, I also realize that what I state above isn't even precisely what I'm feeling. My emotions are all over the place, and they have been for a while. I've just been able to keep them from getting to me because of all the busy crap I need to do. I need to take a day off, and go to Sutro Heights, and just watch the Ocean. The splashing of water is outrageously theraputic.

I keep trying to make myself blog. It's really hard to come up with a composed entry these days. I don't know how I could blog everyday back then. I keep telling myself that blogging is for the sake of remembering my feelings at different times in my life.