I don't know how to escape life and all that is supposed to be in stored for me in the future. It's impossible to run away from the inevitable, but I gave it by best shot. I suppose it's time to submit to the responsibilities that lay ahead of me...
I try to avoid talking about the long term future as much as I can. However, that subject matter simply won't leave me alone. I don't understand why seemingly every adult feels that he/she needs to give me a lecture about the importance of planning ahead and finding a college to attend. Do they honestly think that I haven't essentially heard the same lecture a million times before? Sure, I do gain more perspective with each talk, but too much thought about the future leaves me feeling very hopeless. It's hard to abruptly end a conversation and sit there brooding over all the questions I just realize that I don't know the answers to. It tears away at my self confidence and leaves me restless and unable to concentrate.
It really bothers me how hard it is for me to express myself! FREAKING SHIT. I need to brush up on my SAT vocab because it had some really specific words in there. I also need to read another book. I hate not having a style to copy as I type these entries. I need motivation.
I hate the limitations I have on my body. I want to do everything myself.
I can't emphasize enough how easy it is to be happy in front of people. When I'm put into a situation where I know my mood will affect others, I automatically act a certain way. I hate being the source of unhappiness, so I'd rather just go along with the flow than to drag people down. But why does the shield always wither away once I step through the doors to my room? The more time you sit and think, the more you question yourself, and the more you realize how stupid you are for analyzing things. But can you even help it? Humans are programmed to analyze themselves it seems, and since the brain is so complicated, we will never understand the reasons behind our emotions.
I'm sick of hearing the term emo. People at school have a fixation on the image that the word portrays. I hate how people devaluate someone's situation by labling it emo. I will admit that I am being emo right now, but it doesn't even bother me. I don't show it much at school, so I need some kind of outlet, right?
It pisses me off when people ask stupid questions. Why do you ask a question just to ask a fucking question when the answer doesn't even matter to you? I'm not talking about asking questions to stimulate conversation, but straight up stupid ass questions. If I already give you a vague answer, then it probably means I don't think that there is a real answer. Gawd. You know I'm fucking long winded, so if I wanted to, then I would have tried to answer the question as thoroughly as possible.
My brother is going to Taiwan over thanksgiving. November Chopin here I come! I want him to get me more stuff, but I don't know what to ask for.
I miss China.
I try to avoid talking about the long term future as much as I can. However, that subject matter simply won't leave me alone. I don't understand why seemingly every adult feels that he/she needs to give me a lecture about the importance of planning ahead and finding a college to attend. Do they honestly think that I haven't essentially heard the same lecture a million times before? Sure, I do gain more perspective with each talk, but too much thought about the future leaves me feeling very hopeless. It's hard to abruptly end a conversation and sit there brooding over all the questions I just realize that I don't know the answers to. It tears away at my self confidence and leaves me restless and unable to concentrate.
It really bothers me how hard it is for me to express myself! FREAKING SHIT. I need to brush up on my SAT vocab because it had some really specific words in there. I also need to read another book. I hate not having a style to copy as I type these entries. I need motivation.
I hate the limitations I have on my body. I want to do everything myself.
I can't emphasize enough how easy it is to be happy in front of people. When I'm put into a situation where I know my mood will affect others, I automatically act a certain way. I hate being the source of unhappiness, so I'd rather just go along with the flow than to drag people down. But why does the shield always wither away once I step through the doors to my room? The more time you sit and think, the more you question yourself, and the more you realize how stupid you are for analyzing things. But can you even help it? Humans are programmed to analyze themselves it seems, and since the brain is so complicated, we will never understand the reasons behind our emotions.
I'm sick of hearing the term emo. People at school have a fixation on the image that the word portrays. I hate how people devaluate someone's situation by labling it emo. I will admit that I am being emo right now, but it doesn't even bother me. I don't show it much at school, so I need some kind of outlet, right?
It pisses me off when people ask stupid questions. Why do you ask a question just to ask a fucking question when the answer doesn't even matter to you? I'm not talking about asking questions to stimulate conversation, but straight up stupid ass questions. If I already give you a vague answer, then it probably means I don't think that there is a real answer. Gawd. You know I'm fucking long winded, so if I wanted to, then I would have tried to answer the question as thoroughly as possible.
My brother is going to Taiwan over thanksgiving. November Chopin here I come! I want him to get me more stuff, but I don't know what to ask for.
I miss China.
2 Comments:
Thinking about the future is a good thing, even if you DO hate it. Adults tell you to plan ahead because they regret not doing it when they were young. Learn from their mistakes.
Yea, but keep in mind....
after highschool comes college, after college comes graduate school, and during or after that you may decide to start a family,then comes work, jobs,careers, perhaps you will make lots of money, perhaps you won't. Then finally comes the all inevitable death.
then what?
what's the point?
keep in mind the important things....
act on those.
keep them close.
It's funny how you can admit to being 'emo' and dislike people for labeling your situation as so, since doing so clearly shows that you believe it to be a correct label.
Everyone has problems, but not everyone blogs about it. When someone has real problems, they fix it. People with real problems don't have the time to be emo.
Don't live your life for other people. Obviously, no human lives in a vacuum; the feelings of those around you are important. However, sometimes it's just not worth it to taylor your mood just to keep your friends happy. If they aren't able to empathize with you (assuming you give sufficient explanation of your situation), then they aren't worth befriending.
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