Comprehending myself is impossible these days. I guess you can say I've been struggling with myself lately. I honestly don't know how to describe how I feel, but I've been taking it out on my mom, a lot.

I realize how much she cares, but the way she responds to my actions only exacerbate the already pathetic and detached relationship I have with her. I try to put myself in her position all the time and I try to imagine how she must feel knowing that she can't do anything to help her daughter. But I also think to myself, "how can I put myself in another person's shoes and try to understand if I can't even understand myself?"

The most frustrating part about all this is that I can't find a plausible explanation for the way I'm feeling. I want so badly to just stop hurting my mom, but then it would be too much for me to handle. I don't know.

My eyes hurt so badly. Crying before sleeping and crying when I wake up. Great. My left eye is swollen.

I feel so miserable. I remember back in 8th grade I lost a lot of weight because I was so unhappy that I didn't want to eat. I don't want to eat now and I haven't had breakfast yet. I just want to crawl into a hole and not have to do any work. DIE DIE