theres more to life than there is to living.

I’ve finally stirred enough emotion in me to decide on blogging an entry. Let’s jump for joy.

Quick recap and explanation:
Friday, March 11th
Angela, Eliza, Kristie, Connie, Eric, and Crispy met Cj and Vincent up at the beach. Got wet and had fun. It was as simple as that. We also had some good laughs. Kristie is now called T-Dogg or T-Dizzle. HAHAHA. Hott guys boogeyboarding only made the beach more enjoyable. :D

Saturday, March 12th
Chinese school was boring. I was seriously falling asleep. -_- Afterwards, I went to buy some Little Paris and some crap downtown. Then I went to Ichiban Kan to get some shit for my cousin in London. Shitloads of sweets. Went home, ate, and then fell asleep for a long long time. Woke up, and went out to dinner in San Pablo. This place called Empire Buffet. It was good for the price for sure, but I was too gassy from my lunch to really eat as much as I wanted to. The memorable moment of the night is when we first got to the restaurant, and my uncle taught me how to pound. You know that thing with your fist when you see a homey? Well he schooled me in that. lol, apparently, my way isn’t as cool as his. Dang my uncle rocks some socks. It was the first time in over 3 months since I saw my brothers all at once. Awesome sauce. The night ended pretty crappy after I got home. Not because of my family though; they were great.

Sunday, March 13th
HOMEWORK HOMEWORK HOMEWORK. Concentrated pretty well, and that makes me happy. That’s seriously all I did yesterday..

Okay, here’s the real reason for blogging..

On the ride to Empire Buffet, my mom and dad, Xuong, Iris, and I had a conversation about my grandmother (my mom’s mom). As I’ve probably mentioned many times before, I’ve been worried about my grandmother. She’s getting pretty old now, and her memory is, and I’m not going to euphemize it, pure crap. It’s gotten so bad now that she can’t remember if she already took her medication for that day. My mom had to take her medication and give her the right pills for each day. I know I should just be glad she isn’t hospitalized like many other elderly, but it really sucks to see someone deteriorate in front of your eyes. I don’t want to jump to the horrible conclusions, but what if it’s Alzheimer’s? I’ve done a few research articles on Alzheimer’s for school projects, and it sounds so painful for the families and the person who must deal with a condition that can only get worse. My mom took her to see some doctors, and all those stupid ass Western doctors suggest depression. What the hell is that? She’s freaking eighty-six years old! They want to put her on antidepressants… When my mom told me I was so disgusted with the diagnosis. Not only is it bullshit to put someone that old on antidepressants, but my grandma is not the type to hide her feelings. The doctors say this is a result of repressed feelings, and OMFG, my grandma says all things that are on her mind. You have no idea how blunt she is with everyone. Also, being raised a traditional Chinese woman; she would never fall for any of that depressed crap anyway. Seriously, if doctors told me to go on antidepressants when I’m her age, I’ll just go kill myself. What’s the point in taking it when you’ve already lived long enough?

I’ve also never understood how people that have grabdparents in those Homes never freak out about this in their journals. I would never fucking forgive myself if my parents put my grandma in an Old Folk’s Home. They can’t possibly treat my grandma better than our family does. This has been lurking in the back of my mind for over six months now. I can’t believe I just exposed one of my weaker points to the world, but someday, I’ll be glad I wrote about this.

More than ever before, I just wish my grandpa was still alive. I honestly think that my grandmother would be SO much happier if she had someone to spend her days with. She’s really critical on people, so she isn’t very willing to make new friends.. fucking ass. I’ve been dreaming about meeting him a lot lately. I feel like a mess all the time, but I think I’ve been good at keeping it together on the outside. I’m almost thankful for having so much work to distract me.

Life is getting harder, but I’m still surviving.

lol. I have a really really extensive wishlist now because of the lack of homework. Look at how organized it is! I'm proud of myself.. in a very pathetic way