So far this year, I've thought of quitting my leadership positions in Chinese Club and GSA at least four times, give or take. I find myself constantly groaning at the prospect of even attending the weekly club meetings. It's a horrible feeling to despise something that once brought lots of enjoyment to your life.

I can't quite pinpoint my feelings at the moment, but I'd say that I'm somewhere between sad and irritable. Basically, I'm just showing the symptoms of junior year stress. I really want to tell them clubs that I can't handle the responsibilities anymore, but I can't let them down.

If I were to have one wish granted to me right now, it would be either for the ability to function without sleep, or for the day to have more hours so I can get more tasks accomplished. At this very moment, I'm wasting my time typing this entry, but sadly, this is the only moment of relaxation/release I'll have today. As soon as I post this entry, I will be heading to the library to do a few hours of outlining for APUSH.

I'm so incredibly irritable right now. My friend Edward called me for help earlier and I honestly did not want to help him because helping him would dip into my homework time. I know there is something wrong with me because it's uncharacteristic of me to not want to help a friend in their time of need. In fact, it's selfish to do that, and I'm disappointed in myself for even considering not helping him. Just so you know, I did help him out, but I did so after yelling at him for being irresponsible and overly dependent on others.

Today, in APUSH, my teacher was passing back our quizes from last week. As he was going around, distributing our scantrons, he looked at me and told me to be happy. HAHA. fuck school. It takes too much effort to look or pretend that I feel fine.