The Road Not Taken
Last semester in Hathwell's English class, we did a unit on poetry. Included in that unit study, we analyzed the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. Everyone reads it and thinks that it's an optimistic poem where the speaker believes his life is great or whatever because he chose the "right" path which led him to a good life. In reality, the poem is actually about regret and all the possibilities in life you miss out on by making one decision.
Right now, I'm thinking about regret. I've never been one of those people who say "I never have regrets" because that would be lying. I don't usually brood over a chance I've missed as much as I worry about what I've done wrong/poorly. I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason, but that line doesn't always work. I mean, I say it to other people when they're going through some shit, but how valid that line is to me is hard to measure.
It's kind of pathetic, but I always reach the point where I say "I wish I never met _____." Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, etc, I always think that way when things aren't going well. That's something I want to work on.
I'm having trouble concentrating again.
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edit 6:38
In case any of you guys wonder why this thing has been all complaints lately, it's because I only feel the need to type when I'm feeling emo and shitty.
Seriously, I'm getting pretty pissed off that X constantly calls me to tell me about the person they like. X apparently does not know me well enough to know that I sleep at random times and that if I don't pick up the first time, it means FUCK OFF. If I missed your call, then I will call you back within minutes. If I don't, it either means you can't contact me at that moment or I don't freaking feel like talking. I can't say those words to someone so dependent on me though. I almost feel bad sometimes though.. I'm not emotionally dependent on X at all and sometimes I think to myself that I don't even need X in my life. Pretty messed up.
Somehow, it's different when Edward calls me to talk though. The conversations may be long, but it's not obsessive. It's always talking things out! GAWD. I should really hang out with him sometime soon.
So Norm calls me this afternoon around 1 and asks if we're going to do anything today. I didn't know that I even suggested hanging out for today. I guess he misunderstood me. He said next weekend though. ha ha. I don't know if I'd be up for it. I feel too emo at the moment.
One thing I've noticed: I don't like to talk about my personal life (excluding the people I like) to people. That includes family.
Oh, I didn't blog yesterday because it was a good day, so I forgot to mention that I got my cartilage pierced. It was oh so painful when I was cleaning it yesterday. It's not as red today. That picture was taken yesterday.
Yesterday, I went to Chinese school. Funny thing, my Chinese school's auditorium flooded under the floor boards so my class had to help move stuff out of the computer room that's right behind the auditorium. Roxana and I had to unplug wires, mouses, and keyboards and stack them into a box. I didn't realize that things could acquire that much dust. o_O It was pretty nasty because my hand had like black stains after we were done.. Afterwards, Rox, Emily, and I talked about China stuff like that. Man that's all we ever do anymore.
Afterschool, I bought a sandwich and met up with Karen. We went to a 98 cents store and Lucy met us up there. What was supposed to be a short, five-minute scan of the store became a mini spree that lasted a little over half an hour. After that we went to "pang gey," a store that sells a lot of good junk food for relatively cheap. We spent a long time there too. I bought 12 dollars worth of food to put in my locker at Lowell. LOL :) I won't starve at least. The purpose of our little outing in Chinatown was to bring Chinese Club's donation to the Sing Tao Newspaper office, but they're freaking closed on Saturdays! HAHA. It wasn't a waste of a day though. I had fun.
I saw the 1 California bus so with my heavy ass bags of junk food, I ran for it and caught the bus. I went home and I napped for a while until Eliza called me to leave. We went to get our piercings at Irving. Then I went with her downtown to check out her workplace location. I also scored a free venti green tea from her. haha. Tizite. I like the fact that she's keeping it together with school and work. I'm glowing with pride. (not at the moment because I'm feeling emo, but just in general) I bussed it home by myself and DAMN that ride was like an hour and 15 minutes. o_O;; I hate non limited buses. It was the longest bus ride I've had from downtown, forreal.
I got home and chatted with my parents. I think they liked that. cooooooooooo
I need to see Kristie Kwong and Tracy Chu-eng sometime soon or else my life will probably continue in its mundane way. I love them
The end, probably only for now.
---------------------------------
edit 8:12
Fuck man. I'm too damn emo for my own good. I knew I'd come back to this entry. Why do I feel like the epitome of teenage angst right now?! I hate that my age is used against me. I hate being patronized! FUCKING. I'm really disappointed in the way I handled things. fuck ittt
"When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me"
Right now, I'm thinking about regret. I've never been one of those people who say "I never have regrets" because that would be lying. I don't usually brood over a chance I've missed as much as I worry about what I've done wrong/poorly. I'd like to think that everything happens for a reason, but that line doesn't always work. I mean, I say it to other people when they're going through some shit, but how valid that line is to me is hard to measure.
It's kind of pathetic, but I always reach the point where I say "I wish I never met _____." Whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, etc, I always think that way when things aren't going well. That's something I want to work on.
I'm having trouble concentrating again.
----------------------------------
edit 6:38
In case any of you guys wonder why this thing has been all complaints lately, it's because I only feel the need to type when I'm feeling emo and shitty.
Seriously, I'm getting pretty pissed off that X constantly calls me to tell me about the person they like. X apparently does not know me well enough to know that I sleep at random times and that if I don't pick up the first time, it means FUCK OFF. If I missed your call, then I will call you back within minutes. If I don't, it either means you can't contact me at that moment or I don't freaking feel like talking. I can't say those words to someone so dependent on me though. I almost feel bad sometimes though.. I'm not emotionally dependent on X at all and sometimes I think to myself that I don't even need X in my life. Pretty messed up.
Somehow, it's different when Edward calls me to talk though. The conversations may be long, but it's not obsessive. It's always talking things out! GAWD. I should really hang out with him sometime soon.
So Norm calls me this afternoon around 1 and asks if we're going to do anything today. I didn't know that I even suggested hanging out for today. I guess he misunderstood me. He said next weekend though. ha ha. I don't know if I'd be up for it. I feel too emo at the moment.
One thing I've noticed: I don't like to talk about my personal life (excluding the people I like) to people. That includes family.
Oh, I didn't blog yesterday because it was a good day, so I forgot to mention that I got my cartilage pierced. It was oh so painful when I was cleaning it yesterday. It's not as red today. That picture was taken yesterday.Yesterday, I went to Chinese school. Funny thing, my Chinese school's auditorium flooded under the floor boards so my class had to help move stuff out of the computer room that's right behind the auditorium. Roxana and I had to unplug wires, mouses, and keyboards and stack them into a box. I didn't realize that things could acquire that much dust. o_O It was pretty nasty because my hand had like black stains after we were done.. Afterwards, Rox, Emily, and I talked about China stuff like that. Man that's all we ever do anymore.
Afterschool, I bought a sandwich and met up with Karen. We went to a 98 cents store and Lucy met us up there. What was supposed to be a short, five-minute scan of the store became a mini spree that lasted a little over half an hour. After that we went to "pang gey," a store that sells a lot of good junk food for relatively cheap. We spent a long time there too. I bought 12 dollars worth of food to put in my locker at Lowell. LOL :) I won't starve at least. The purpose of our little outing in Chinatown was to bring Chinese Club's donation to the Sing Tao Newspaper office, but they're freaking closed on Saturdays! HAHA. It wasn't a waste of a day though. I had fun.
I saw the 1 California bus so with my heavy ass bags of junk food, I ran for it and caught the bus. I went home and I napped for a while until Eliza called me to leave. We went to get our piercings at Irving. Then I went with her downtown to check out her workplace location. I also scored a free venti green tea from her. haha. Tizite. I like the fact that she's keeping it together with school and work. I'm glowing with pride. (not at the moment because I'm feeling emo, but just in general) I bussed it home by myself and DAMN that ride was like an hour and 15 minutes. o_O;; I hate non limited buses. It was the longest bus ride I've had from downtown, forreal.
I got home and chatted with my parents. I think they liked that. cooooooooooo
I need to see Kristie Kwong and Tracy Chu-eng sometime soon or else my life will probably continue in its mundane way. I love them
The end, probably only for now.
---------------------------------
edit 8:12
Fuck man. I'm too damn emo for my own good. I knew I'd come back to this entry. Why do I feel like the epitome of teenage angst right now?! I hate that my age is used against me. I hate being patronized! FUCKING. I'm really disappointed in the way I handled things. fuck ittt
"When you go I'll let you be, but you're killing everything in me"
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