This year, I'm probably setting impossible goals for myself. I really want an unweighted 4.0, and for the first time, I honestly believe I have a chance to attain that coveted holy-grail of a GPA. However, things aren't looking very good. So far, Math is my strongest A and all my other grades are kind of in the hazy area of a likely B+ or A/A- It all comes down to the assignments coming up in the next week or so.
Today was the shittiest day so far into the school year, but I'm sure it will eventually be replaced by an even shittier day a few weeks from now. I guess I shouldn't anticipate a bad day because I'm just bringing misery upon myself, but I feel hopeless because of school.
I don't know when school took over my life and became the guide that determines my happiness. Just taking a step back and thinking about my overall goal and its consequences doesn't make any sense to me. At some point, you have to ask yourself why you're going to kill yourself and your body to reach a goal that will only give you temporary satisfaction. I know all this, yet it doesn't change what I'm going to do this year. Attain the grail, or at least near die during the quest to acquire it.
But at the end of the day, when I try to squeeze in time to reflect, it's really not worth it. None of this is worth sacrificing my time, energy, sleep, and friends.
So today was shit because I had two quizes that I absolutely failed. First quiz of the day was in AP Psych. I studied, I swear I studied, but it was a different kind of quiz than I expected, so I froze in the beginning. Everything I studied automatically slipped out of my mind while I was testing. Great. Then I had a quiz in APUSH on the Boston Masscre. The quiz is supposed to test us on the video that we watched yesterday as well as the reading and homework we did that night. I watched the video and even took notes, and I did my homework, too. I wrote on the card, "Yeah I really don't know the answer to this." I'm not kidding. Just thinking about my day makes me want to cry again. I hate crying because of school, but my eyes kept welling up when I had free time to think about it. It's so pathetic. Why even bother when I'm just going to choke anyway? It's the fucking pressure damn it. I can't take it anymore. I go into those damn tests and I know that my grade is on the line, so I fuck up. I fuck up. damn it.
Why do I fucking fuck up? It's not fair. I feel like shit. I'm tired from the lack of sleep I got yesterday from studying for AP Pysch, and I feel shitty because I know I wasted those two hours. And I feel shitty because I know I'm brooding and putting myself in the position to feel like shit. Damn it.
fuck, I don't even know what to do anymore.
"I want to get away
I wanna fly away
Yeah yeah yeah"
Today was the shittiest day so far into the school year, but I'm sure it will eventually be replaced by an even shittier day a few weeks from now. I guess I shouldn't anticipate a bad day because I'm just bringing misery upon myself, but I feel hopeless because of school.
I don't know when school took over my life and became the guide that determines my happiness. Just taking a step back and thinking about my overall goal and its consequences doesn't make any sense to me. At some point, you have to ask yourself why you're going to kill yourself and your body to reach a goal that will only give you temporary satisfaction. I know all this, yet it doesn't change what I'm going to do this year. Attain the grail, or at least near die during the quest to acquire it.
But at the end of the day, when I try to squeeze in time to reflect, it's really not worth it. None of this is worth sacrificing my time, energy, sleep, and friends.
So today was shit because I had two quizes that I absolutely failed. First quiz of the day was in AP Psych. I studied, I swear I studied, but it was a different kind of quiz than I expected, so I froze in the beginning. Everything I studied automatically slipped out of my mind while I was testing. Great. Then I had a quiz in APUSH on the Boston Masscre. The quiz is supposed to test us on the video that we watched yesterday as well as the reading and homework we did that night. I watched the video and even took notes, and I did my homework, too. I wrote on the card, "Yeah I really don't know the answer to this." I'm not kidding. Just thinking about my day makes me want to cry again. I hate crying because of school, but my eyes kept welling up when I had free time to think about it. It's so pathetic. Why even bother when I'm just going to choke anyway? It's the fucking pressure damn it. I can't take it anymore. I go into those damn tests and I know that my grade is on the line, so I fuck up. I fuck up. damn it.
Why do I fucking fuck up? It's not fair. I feel like shit. I'm tired from the lack of sleep I got yesterday from studying for AP Pysch, and I feel shitty because I know I wasted those two hours. And I feel shitty because I know I'm brooding and putting myself in the position to feel like shit. Damn it.
fuck, I don't even know what to do anymore.
"I want to get away
I wanna fly away
Yeah yeah yeah"
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home