Just a few minutes ago, I realized how vast the language barrier is between my mom and I. First, let me explain a weekly ritual I have with my mom. Every Friday, I get together with her to try to tackle my Chinese school homework. In truth, my mom is actually doing most of the work, and I'm trying my hardest to follow her multilingual explanations. Somehow, either of us asks the other a question, which eventually leads to me going off on a tangent about family related issues. I guess Friday is our time to talk about everything, so we always wind up feeling irritated or perplexed simply because so much must be accomplished in a short amount of time.
In todays "session," I like to call it, my mother and I discussed the usual topic of my brothers, their living situations, and what I plan to do when I get older. As usual, we talk about sacrifice, and how my brothers and I will understand the reasons behind my parent's actions when we are older and eventually have a family of our own. Every single time we have one of these conversations, I'm reminded of all the things my mom had to sacrifice to raise me and my brothers.
Whenever I tell someone that I must stay in California for college or that I should probably try to get into Berkeley, they ask me why. Every single time, I find it difficult to answer. As lame as it sounds, I feel obligated to get into a certain college to satisfy my parents. It's not the typical my parents are pressuring me into getting into a good college. Instead, I feel that I can't let them down after all they've done for me. I know some people who feel as if they don't owe anything to their parents because they believe that it is a parent's duty to nurture their child until a certain age and then let them free. Somehow, my parents were able to instill in me the idea that I need to be near them forever. I don't understand why this answer does not satisfy most people I talk to. I can see that by abiding my parent's wishes, I'm never going to be truly free, but it's better to not be free than to try to live with the guilt of disappointing your parents.
Hathwell would be screaming objections right now, but I don't think any of that matters. In life, if you can't live with the guilt, then life is going to suck. I'm sure I'll eventually find my way, but for now, in addition to pleasing my parents, I need to prove myself by doing this.
This entire entry wasn't very cohesive.. I tried really hard to type something out because my mind was jumbled with various thoughts, but now I feel even more confused.
In todays "session," I like to call it, my mother and I discussed the usual topic of my brothers, their living situations, and what I plan to do when I get older. As usual, we talk about sacrifice, and how my brothers and I will understand the reasons behind my parent's actions when we are older and eventually have a family of our own. Every single time we have one of these conversations, I'm reminded of all the things my mom had to sacrifice to raise me and my brothers.
Whenever I tell someone that I must stay in California for college or that I should probably try to get into Berkeley, they ask me why. Every single time, I find it difficult to answer. As lame as it sounds, I feel obligated to get into a certain college to satisfy my parents. It's not the typical my parents are pressuring me into getting into a good college. Instead, I feel that I can't let them down after all they've done for me. I know some people who feel as if they don't owe anything to their parents because they believe that it is a parent's duty to nurture their child until a certain age and then let them free. Somehow, my parents were able to instill in me the idea that I need to be near them forever. I don't understand why this answer does not satisfy most people I talk to. I can see that by abiding my parent's wishes, I'm never going to be truly free, but it's better to not be free than to try to live with the guilt of disappointing your parents.
Hathwell would be screaming objections right now, but I don't think any of that matters. In life, if you can't live with the guilt, then life is going to suck. I'm sure I'll eventually find my way, but for now, in addition to pleasing my parents, I need to prove myself by doing this.
This entire entry wasn't very cohesive.. I tried really hard to type something out because my mind was jumbled with various thoughts, but now I feel even more confused.
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