So maybe I can't do it
When the first signs of hardship become apparent, I'm always the first to alter my goal to make the journey a little easier, a little more manageable. I always try to make excuses for myself. I always find reasons why to shift the blame from myself to some outside force that really doesn't have much to do with the outcome of certain events. I hate that I always need a scapegoat.
School has honestly been tough lately, and I don't know if I can still get that coveted 4.0 that once felt so attainable. I think within this one week, I've drifted so far from that goal that I'm willing to sacrifice my goals for sleep and relaxation. That was a bad sentence, but I don't want to think of a better way to say it.
Another great reason to deviate my goal is that my mom doesn't care if I get a 4.0 or not. She thinks a 3.67 is good enough. However, there is a catch. I have to get into Berkeley with a 3.67? Great, that one moment of relief reversed itself and turned out to have the opposite affect.
I'm can't handle the responsibility that comes with clubs. I'm honestly sucking a lot as Chinese Club president right now, but at the same time, I feel that I shouldn't carry more weight than the rest of the members. So in a way, I feel like I don't need to stress about it if no one else is going to. When it comes down to it, I'm not going to put my ass on the line and do the dirty work if not everyone is doing the same. I'm not implying that I do everything, because I have a few friends that have to do just as much shit as I do. But I have to delegate every single thing to everyone. That part gets tiresome fast.
School has honestly been tough lately, and I don't know if I can still get that coveted 4.0 that once felt so attainable. I think within this one week, I've drifted so far from that goal that I'm willing to sacrifice my goals for sleep and relaxation. That was a bad sentence, but I don't want to think of a better way to say it.
Another great reason to deviate my goal is that my mom doesn't care if I get a 4.0 or not. She thinks a 3.67 is good enough. However, there is a catch. I have to get into Berkeley with a 3.67? Great, that one moment of relief reversed itself and turned out to have the opposite affect.
I'm can't handle the responsibility that comes with clubs. I'm honestly sucking a lot as Chinese Club president right now, but at the same time, I feel that I shouldn't carry more weight than the rest of the members. So in a way, I feel like I don't need to stress about it if no one else is going to. When it comes down to it, I'm not going to put my ass on the line and do the dirty work if not everyone is doing the same. I'm not implying that I do everything, because I have a few friends that have to do just as much shit as I do. But I have to delegate every single thing to everyone. That part gets tiresome fast.
3 Comments:
I feel bad for saying this but. Chinese club president? WOOT :) [cause i didn't know before]
Lately, everyone's been falling apart, and I'd hate saying that I'm not surprised you have either. But you still seem so together about it all. But same as always, I have so much faith in you to do well. [ I don't think that made sense either ]
There's quite a bit of stuff I have to tell you this weekend. And as always you're welcome to unload on me. :)
bye homeeey
Keep looking forward, my friend. Be strong n confident! +oil V^__________^
it's ok. my friend got into berkeley with a low 3. like 3.33 or something. anyway don't the APs raise your grade?
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