RT #16
Normally, I'd leave this kind of shit for a blog post, but I feel too exposed on that thing now.
Every once in a while, I get super emo and sad, which I find unacceptable. Sad is pathetic in my opinion, and even though it's not something a person can control, I don't allow myself to be sad for long periods of time. Crying is a sign of weakness. I've said it before, and I still believe it. So my point is that I get sad, and then I channel my sad feelings into anger and swallow it until one day, something triggers it and I throw a huge tantrum. It's probably unhealthy and definitely emotionally draining, but I think it's better than constantly feeling sorry for myself.
That's the thing with humans. We feel sorry for ourselves. We bitch and whine about everything that happens TO us rather than bitch about all the stupid shit that we do to get into those situations.
Totally not my point though.
I'm so sick of people lying and making excuses. It's becoming SO obvious that practically everyone in my life lies to me every single day because they "don't want to hurt my feelings." I actually think that's a good reason. I would lie to avoid hurting someone. But shit. No one is slick. When you lie, make sure you can get away with it and make sure there's a damn good reason to lie so that if and when you get caught, you can say that lying was the best decision at the time.
These days, when I ask people to go places with me, they always give me the "I don't have money excuse." Everything you do requires money, so if you plan to go out with other people and give me that excuse, I will find out. I don't understand why people can't be direct. The chances are, no one will ever remember whether or not you rejected their offer at a certain point in time. Just be straight up with me, I'm not going to be hurt if you don't want to hang out with me. But I will be hurt when I find out that you lied to me.
Honestly, I just think that people are cowards. Even if its mean, say it. As long as you're not looking to intentionally insult and demean someone, then harsh words can be the best thing for them.. a reality check, even.
I don't want to ice skate. I don't want to hang out with you. I just don't feel like it today. Those are all acceptable responses, but noooo everyone just had to make up excuses. It's so annoying.
I'm a very judgemental person. I remember specific moments that I feel help support or justify the way I perceive a person. I initially thought that "J" was bitch simply because of her attitude and her tone of voice. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and didn't really stand by that opinion until she did something to affirm the way I felt about her. "J" gave me attitude and said many condescending things to me, so from that point on, I decided that I didn't like "J" Apparently, "J" noticed, and asked someone if I hated her. I've noticed that she's been trying to say hi and bye to me lately, too. I still think she's a bitch, so what do I do? Nothing. Coldness is more effective than bitching someone out. To ignore someone is to make them feel nonexistant. It works. But that's not why I do it. I ignore people or show no emotions around people I dislike because I'm afraid that I'll bitch them out if I don't restrain myself. But lucky for me, it's a powerful tool.
On the other hand, I'm very very open-minded and understanding. It doesn't really make sense and it's pretty oxymoronic for me to say that I'm a judegemental, yet understanding person. I come from a poor family, and that has taught me to be understanding. No matter what happens in my life, just thinking about my life growing up really humbles me. Somehow, it has translated into my open-mindedness when I meet strangers. I seem to give people a harder time if I know them. hm.
I don't know....
Too tired to make sense of anything now.
Every once in a while, I get super emo and sad, which I find unacceptable. Sad is pathetic in my opinion, and even though it's not something a person can control, I don't allow myself to be sad for long periods of time. Crying is a sign of weakness. I've said it before, and I still believe it. So my point is that I get sad, and then I channel my sad feelings into anger and swallow it until one day, something triggers it and I throw a huge tantrum. It's probably unhealthy and definitely emotionally draining, but I think it's better than constantly feeling sorry for myself.
That's the thing with humans. We feel sorry for ourselves. We bitch and whine about everything that happens TO us rather than bitch about all the stupid shit that we do to get into those situations.
Totally not my point though.
I'm so sick of people lying and making excuses. It's becoming SO obvious that practically everyone in my life lies to me every single day because they "don't want to hurt my feelings." I actually think that's a good reason. I would lie to avoid hurting someone. But shit. No one is slick. When you lie, make sure you can get away with it and make sure there's a damn good reason to lie so that if and when you get caught, you can say that lying was the best decision at the time.
These days, when I ask people to go places with me, they always give me the "I don't have money excuse." Everything you do requires money, so if you plan to go out with other people and give me that excuse, I will find out. I don't understand why people can't be direct. The chances are, no one will ever remember whether or not you rejected their offer at a certain point in time. Just be straight up with me, I'm not going to be hurt if you don't want to hang out with me. But I will be hurt when I find out that you lied to me.
Honestly, I just think that people are cowards. Even if its mean, say it. As long as you're not looking to intentionally insult and demean someone, then harsh words can be the best thing for them.. a reality check, even.
I don't want to ice skate. I don't want to hang out with you. I just don't feel like it today. Those are all acceptable responses, but noooo everyone just had to make up excuses. It's so annoying.
I'm a very judgemental person. I remember specific moments that I feel help support or justify the way I perceive a person. I initially thought that "J" was bitch simply because of her attitude and her tone of voice. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and didn't really stand by that opinion until she did something to affirm the way I felt about her. "J" gave me attitude and said many condescending things to me, so from that point on, I decided that I didn't like "J" Apparently, "J" noticed, and asked someone if I hated her. I've noticed that she's been trying to say hi and bye to me lately, too. I still think she's a bitch, so what do I do? Nothing. Coldness is more effective than bitching someone out. To ignore someone is to make them feel nonexistant. It works. But that's not why I do it. I ignore people or show no emotions around people I dislike because I'm afraid that I'll bitch them out if I don't restrain myself. But lucky for me, it's a powerful tool.
On the other hand, I'm very very open-minded and understanding. It doesn't really make sense and it's pretty oxymoronic for me to say that I'm a judegemental, yet understanding person. I come from a poor family, and that has taught me to be understanding. No matter what happens in my life, just thinking about my life growing up really humbles me. Somehow, it has translated into my open-mindedness when I meet strangers. I seem to give people a harder time if I know them. hm.
I don't know....
Too tired to make sense of anything now.
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