Insomnia- boredom, and everything in between
I freaking love being awake at night. I don't even understand why exactly, but being awake during the day, with people around, is really stressful. When you're up alone it's just you, the music, and whatever else you need to concentrate on at the time. Even if it isn't the school year, I like to stay awake at night and do stuff. I don't really care what I do, I just like to stay up late sometimes. I feel like I haven't rambled about literally nothing in the longest time.
I wonder when I'll reach the point in my life where things start to come together. I guess I just want to know when I'll be able to make a realistic plan for myself. Of course, I'm going to college, but whats after that? What type of job do I want? That question determines your major in college, which also determines whether or not you'll spend more than 4 years in college.
When I'm on the bus, I see all these little kids that are probably in the 6th grade, possibly 7th, and I think "ugh they're too young to go out, look at how skanky they're dressed, they don't even have the boobs to kill in that shirt." And I finally realize that I was once one of those stupid annoying ass kids. I guess you can't hate what you used to be that much now can you?
It's amazing how I used to be so into hanging out with big crowds, and being loud. Now, I prefer to keep my outings to as little people as possible. That way, you have to plan less. Also, being around loads of people makes me feel really insecure, so I'm not into that kind of scene anymore. These days, again when I'm on the bus, I hate hate hate hate it when people are loud. There should freaking be a rule that you can't be loud.. I know sometimes you want to talk to your friends, but if you had the no talking rule, you don't need to try to make up conversation with someone you might not know too well.
I'm really bitter. I'll admit it, and I don't really plan on changing. If being bitchy or mean is what is takes to eliminate all the negative aspects from my life, it's just going to happen. But I swear to God, and yes I do believe in God, that I try to be a nice as I can to my friends. Because come on now, they're not going to stick around forever if your personality isn't.. shall I put it in mild terms?.. compatible with theirs. Some people are meant to be alone if they don't compromise. But I don't think I can be one of those people, especially since I have three older brothers. I really do like to be around people, but thats why I don't understand why I get those mood swingings making me want to become invisible.
Also, one of the best skills I've picked up lately is not giving a rats ass. Learn it. Today, we were planting plants for Adopt a Park, and everyone was all fussing to put the plants somewhere, and I was the same at first. But then, I thought to myself, why the fuck should I care? As long as the plants have a place to grow, it doesn't really matter now does it? I swear, if I can keep this idea up for the simple things in life, I might not get high blood pressure in the future! w00t.
Sometimes, we keep certain people around because we might currently need them, or we might need them in the future. Is it human nature to think this way? Because I do it sometimes, but then there are other times when people get so annoying that I don't give a rats ass anymore.
I hate it when people are telling me things and it feels like they're trying to teach me without me asking them to teach me. Fuck off and stop making me feel like I'm beneth you. Everyone has their positive aspects, and maybe you're good with facts and crap. But what if I possess characteristics that will benefit me and others in the real world? Don't act like you're better than someone because of who they are. There is a difference between feeling bad for a person because you think they can do better.. and feeling bad for the person because they aren't up to your level.
We're going to start taking the SATs in a little over a year. I wonder what will happen to those people who only care about the materialistic items in life. Is it evil that I want to laugh in their faces when the popular materialistic bithces screw themselves over on the SATs >> College >> Job >> Family >> House?
I'll end this entry on a happy note. I finally have a digital camera of my own. That's right! My brother gave me his Canon S230 Powershot digital elf. w000t. Can you say camera abuse?
I wonder when I'll reach the point in my life where things start to come together. I guess I just want to know when I'll be able to make a realistic plan for myself. Of course, I'm going to college, but whats after that? What type of job do I want? That question determines your major in college, which also determines whether or not you'll spend more than 4 years in college.
When I'm on the bus, I see all these little kids that are probably in the 6th grade, possibly 7th, and I think "ugh they're too young to go out, look at how skanky they're dressed, they don't even have the boobs to kill in that shirt." And I finally realize that I was once one of those stupid annoying ass kids. I guess you can't hate what you used to be that much now can you?
It's amazing how I used to be so into hanging out with big crowds, and being loud. Now, I prefer to keep my outings to as little people as possible. That way, you have to plan less. Also, being around loads of people makes me feel really insecure, so I'm not into that kind of scene anymore. These days, again when I'm on the bus, I hate hate hate hate it when people are loud. There should freaking be a rule that you can't be loud.. I know sometimes you want to talk to your friends, but if you had the no talking rule, you don't need to try to make up conversation with someone you might not know too well.
I'm really bitter. I'll admit it, and I don't really plan on changing. If being bitchy or mean is what is takes to eliminate all the negative aspects from my life, it's just going to happen. But I swear to God, and yes I do believe in God, that I try to be a nice as I can to my friends. Because come on now, they're not going to stick around forever if your personality isn't.. shall I put it in mild terms?.. compatible with theirs. Some people are meant to be alone if they don't compromise. But I don't think I can be one of those people, especially since I have three older brothers. I really do like to be around people, but thats why I don't understand why I get those mood swingings making me want to become invisible.
Also, one of the best skills I've picked up lately is not giving a rats ass. Learn it. Today, we were planting plants for Adopt a Park, and everyone was all fussing to put the plants somewhere, and I was the same at first. But then, I thought to myself, why the fuck should I care? As long as the plants have a place to grow, it doesn't really matter now does it? I swear, if I can keep this idea up for the simple things in life, I might not get high blood pressure in the future! w00t.
Sometimes, we keep certain people around because we might currently need them, or we might need them in the future. Is it human nature to think this way? Because I do it sometimes, but then there are other times when people get so annoying that I don't give a rats ass anymore.
I hate it when people are telling me things and it feels like they're trying to teach me without me asking them to teach me. Fuck off and stop making me feel like I'm beneth you. Everyone has their positive aspects, and maybe you're good with facts and crap. But what if I possess characteristics that will benefit me and others in the real world? Don't act like you're better than someone because of who they are. There is a difference between feeling bad for a person because you think they can do better.. and feeling bad for the person because they aren't up to your level.
We're going to start taking the SATs in a little over a year. I wonder what will happen to those people who only care about the materialistic items in life. Is it evil that I want to laugh in their faces when the popular materialistic bithces screw themselves over on the SATs >> College >> Job >> Family >> House?
I'll end this entry on a happy note. I finally have a digital camera of my own. That's right! My brother gave me his Canon S230 Powershot digital elf. w000t. Can you say camera abuse?
1 Comments:
I just want to compliment Anna's writing style in her entry entitled "insomnia-boredom, and everything in between". It was EXTREMELY well written. I am 30, and understand Anna is young, hence the position of her stance; nonetheless, this girl is intuitively smart, and will find much success in her life. Keep your brain as astute as I see it. Don't ever stop literizing your thoughts.
-me
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