I've reached that point in lethargy where I'm so content doing nothing that I don't even care about going outside. It's frightening to some extent when I sit down and REALLY think about it, but other than the late-night thoughts as I'm tossing and turning in bed, I'm liking the arrangement.
Yesterday, the prospect of the impending school year hit me hard. After a casual comment from my mom about college, I decided to burst into tears on the car ride home. Tears merely accompanied the outstanding screaming that came out between my gasps for air. Summer was beyond smooth, so I guess the tantrum shouldn't have been so unexpected.
I'm really scared about everything that's expected of me this coming year. I don't like to talk about it, so all of it gets piled together in the back of my mind and eventually comes out in an explosion of emotions.
I guess I've just hit a rut lately. I'm hoping that as the school year progresses, I'll gain momentum and tackle all my duties with ease. But again, that's just what I'm hoping. It's optimism used to cover up all the apprehension.
Chinese school is hard. It's always been hard, but I never realized the full extent of it until I started to actually do the work. Guilt not only washes over me, but actually grinds its ugly teeth in me (mixed metaphor yay!) every time I think about how I behaved in Chinese school last year. I brought my outlining there with me and fell asleep there on more than just a few occasions. I'm trying to redeem myself this year...
My brain is seriously dead. I had to think really long and hard for the word redeem. I can't think of a better word for it either. AHHHhhasd;flijalksfj -_-
--------------------------------
edit 4:25 am
I read until the headache caused my vision to blur on occasion. I've always been the type to read into the night, but I'm damn rusty because of the lack of reading last year.
I'm reading slower, too. It's kind of upsetting. I never realized how much I let myself go during the summer!
But, I'm still trying to be a nerd if that's any consolation to myself. I'm writing down a lot of the words that I don't know and looking up their definition.
You know how I know I don't like science or math? I've never had that feeling where I wanted to know all the math in the world or all the science in the world, but I sometimes feel like I want to read a dictionary and memorize all the words and then go on to learning how to perfect my English grammar. But history.. man history. I've always wanted to know everything, and I don't think it'll ever change. Back in the days of Mr. Lewallen's class, I always got one of the top scores on the tests. I had (compared to the other people in the 6th grade class) superior rentention for history. I loved it even back then when I tried to read the textbook to Bonnie in attempts to make her study for the tests. I freaking read the textbook to her and summarized the sections for her and then asked her questions. Maybe I only did that once, but still! I like facts. I like knowing and remembering facts. So I guess I do like science in that sense. I like knowing what things are, what constitutes a particular ailment blah blah. Math and I will never find common ground though. alksfjalks;f
My head hurts too much for me to type in coherent sentences.
Yesterday, the prospect of the impending school year hit me hard. After a casual comment from my mom about college, I decided to burst into tears on the car ride home. Tears merely accompanied the outstanding screaming that came out between my gasps for air. Summer was beyond smooth, so I guess the tantrum shouldn't have been so unexpected.
I'm really scared about everything that's expected of me this coming year. I don't like to talk about it, so all of it gets piled together in the back of my mind and eventually comes out in an explosion of emotions.
I guess I've just hit a rut lately. I'm hoping that as the school year progresses, I'll gain momentum and tackle all my duties with ease. But again, that's just what I'm hoping. It's optimism used to cover up all the apprehension.
Chinese school is hard. It's always been hard, but I never realized the full extent of it until I started to actually do the work. Guilt not only washes over me, but actually grinds its ugly teeth in me (mixed metaphor yay!) every time I think about how I behaved in Chinese school last year. I brought my outlining there with me and fell asleep there on more than just a few occasions. I'm trying to redeem myself this year...
My brain is seriously dead. I had to think really long and hard for the word redeem. I can't think of a better word for it either. AHHHhhasd;flijalksfj -_-
--------------------------------
edit 4:25 am
I read until the headache caused my vision to blur on occasion. I've always been the type to read into the night, but I'm damn rusty because of the lack of reading last year.
I'm reading slower, too. It's kind of upsetting. I never realized how much I let myself go during the summer!
But, I'm still trying to be a nerd if that's any consolation to myself. I'm writing down a lot of the words that I don't know and looking up their definition.
You know how I know I don't like science or math? I've never had that feeling where I wanted to know all the math in the world or all the science in the world, but I sometimes feel like I want to read a dictionary and memorize all the words and then go on to learning how to perfect my English grammar. But history.. man history. I've always wanted to know everything, and I don't think it'll ever change. Back in the days of Mr. Lewallen's class, I always got one of the top scores on the tests. I had (compared to the other people in the 6th grade class) superior rentention for history. I loved it even back then when I tried to read the textbook to Bonnie in attempts to make her study for the tests. I freaking read the textbook to her and summarized the sections for her and then asked her questions. Maybe I only did that once, but still! I like facts. I like knowing and remembering facts. So I guess I do like science in that sense. I like knowing what things are, what constitutes a particular ailment blah blah. Math and I will never find common ground though. alksfjalks;f
My head hurts too much for me to type in coherent sentences.
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