A lot of the time when things are going well, I feel like life is boring without the challenge of getting through a day of struggles. But when I take a step back and really see the bigger picture, I can't believe why I would ever welcome unplesantness into my life when life is already composed of a lot of CRAP to begin with.
My problem is that I only see things in the immediate scope of things. I fail to look to see how individual events play a part in the bigger picture of my life. Why scrutinize the small things when they won't mean anything to you in the long run? But as with everything in life, I need to find the balance between thinking towards the future and while still treasuring some of the more pleasurable nuances in life.
I've mentioned before that I never realized until this school year how much going to Lowell negatively affects my life. I keep thinking about it this year because I actually had a fun, meaningful, and relaxing summer to compare school to. I've honestly reached a point in my life where I feel like I shouldn't have to go through so much hell in school. There's a point when you're up at 3 am, slaving away at optional homework because you need it to boost your grade that you realize how ridiculous all the sacrifices you're making for school really are. But honestly, can I really support this crap that's spewing off of my fingers? I really wish I could, but the reality is, all my goals and ambitions are shaped by societal pressures and familial expectations. When do I reach the point in my life where I actually make my own decisions? Or will I always be a slave to what everyone else wants and thinks is best for me?
None of it just ever feels worth it anymore. But I would never quit school.
I'm a nerd at heart and learning new things always makes me feel good about myself. Knowledge is definitely empowering. I'm trying to figure out if I think it's worth it to sacrifice so much crap to learn in a school like Lowell. GOD, WHEN WILL THE PRESSURE STOP?
My problem is that I only see things in the immediate scope of things. I fail to look to see how individual events play a part in the bigger picture of my life. Why scrutinize the small things when they won't mean anything to you in the long run? But as with everything in life, I need to find the balance between thinking towards the future and while still treasuring some of the more pleasurable nuances in life.
I've mentioned before that I never realized until this school year how much going to Lowell negatively affects my life. I keep thinking about it this year because I actually had a fun, meaningful, and relaxing summer to compare school to. I've honestly reached a point in my life where I feel like I shouldn't have to go through so much hell in school. There's a point when you're up at 3 am, slaving away at optional homework because you need it to boost your grade that you realize how ridiculous all the sacrifices you're making for school really are. But honestly, can I really support this crap that's spewing off of my fingers? I really wish I could, but the reality is, all my goals and ambitions are shaped by societal pressures and familial expectations. When do I reach the point in my life where I actually make my own decisions? Or will I always be a slave to what everyone else wants and thinks is best for me?
None of it just ever feels worth it anymore. But I would never quit school.
I'm a nerd at heart and learning new things always makes me feel good about myself. Knowledge is definitely empowering. I'm trying to figure out if I think it's worth it to sacrifice so much crap to learn in a school like Lowell. GOD, WHEN WILL THE PRESSURE STOP?
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