I scratch your back, you scratch... wait I still scratch your back
I always write posts about how I'm sick of being the only one who tries in a friendship or relationship of any sort. Well, here I am, once gain, writing about how I'm sick and tired of being the one who has to approach everyone for everything.
At the same time, however, I might want to take it as a sign that I don't get proposals of any sorts from people for a reason. Maybe I'm just not someone they want in their company. I'm not hating on myself to garner sympathy from readers, but I'm sort of trying to write out possibilities so I can read them in "print" and come to terms with them. Seriously though. I've never thought about it that way at all. It's completely possible that I'm not someone people want to be around.
Considering that as a possibility, I now want to think of ways to change that. Stop being angry, bitchy, and short with people is a good start. But part of me feels as though I wouldn't have to be all those bad things if I didn't surround myself with annoying people who constantly push my buttons.
If personalities are really that incompatible, then trying to make it work doesn't really work out in the long run, now does it? One of my friends, or maybe he's just someone I have conversations with, asked me why I bothered with certain people if they don't reciprocate the same efforts. I replied something to do with caring about those people and pushing them because I want them to do well in life. Now, I finally see his point. I push this person to work hard, I yell at this person because they're making bad decisions, but do I get theh same kind of consideration reciprocated? I can reason with myself and say that maybe it's not characteristic for this person to exert that kind of effort without being asked, but then I can argue that I wouldn't want someone so indifferent in my life.
It seems that I really do care about this person because I have entire debates with myself about the various good and bad aspects of this friendship. On paper, I do believe that I should benefit from investing my time and efforts elsewhere, but my gut tells me that I should keep trying even though this person is being a total bitch.
I've always believed that in a friend, all that really matters is that he/she has a good heart and is considerate of others. It's really not that simple though. To be friends with someone, both parties must satisfy the requirements one another has for a "good friend." I have reason to believe that this person doesn't get out in the world enough to even know what he/she values in a friend. Sheltered might be the best word to describe this person. This person has the strangest reasoning that I will never understand. This person fixates on the stupidest things, moreso than myself, which I find kind of pathetic. It's a very you scratch my back I scratch your back kind of mindset which, in theory, sounds great, but in reality, can never work out that way. In order for things to work, you need to give for a while before even expecting to get anything in return, but when the person you've been "scratching" helps scratch your back, it's probably really worth it right?
Now we've come full circle with the topic I originally intended to write about, which is sick and tired of waiting to get something, some kind of effort in return. So where do you draw the line? Being the only one providing in what is supposed to be a two sided deal, what can you do or what should you do? Bitch and moan about it for a while like me and then eventually brush these doubtful feelings aside, or firmly and decidely find better?
If I had one person I could solidly depend on for every single thing in my life, I wouldn't have to constantly write these posts. I want a best friend, not a few semi-close friends that I don't keep in touch with on a regular basis. k thanks, world.
At the same time, however, I might want to take it as a sign that I don't get proposals of any sorts from people for a reason. Maybe I'm just not someone they want in their company. I'm not hating on myself to garner sympathy from readers, but I'm sort of trying to write out possibilities so I can read them in "print" and come to terms with them. Seriously though. I've never thought about it that way at all. It's completely possible that I'm not someone people want to be around.
Considering that as a possibility, I now want to think of ways to change that. Stop being angry, bitchy, and short with people is a good start. But part of me feels as though I wouldn't have to be all those bad things if I didn't surround myself with annoying people who constantly push my buttons.
If personalities are really that incompatible, then trying to make it work doesn't really work out in the long run, now does it? One of my friends, or maybe he's just someone I have conversations with, asked me why I bothered with certain people if they don't reciprocate the same efforts. I replied something to do with caring about those people and pushing them because I want them to do well in life. Now, I finally see his point. I push this person to work hard, I yell at this person because they're making bad decisions, but do I get theh same kind of consideration reciprocated? I can reason with myself and say that maybe it's not characteristic for this person to exert that kind of effort without being asked, but then I can argue that I wouldn't want someone so indifferent in my life.
It seems that I really do care about this person because I have entire debates with myself about the various good and bad aspects of this friendship. On paper, I do believe that I should benefit from investing my time and efforts elsewhere, but my gut tells me that I should keep trying even though this person is being a total bitch.
I've always believed that in a friend, all that really matters is that he/she has a good heart and is considerate of others. It's really not that simple though. To be friends with someone, both parties must satisfy the requirements one another has for a "good friend." I have reason to believe that this person doesn't get out in the world enough to even know what he/she values in a friend. Sheltered might be the best word to describe this person. This person has the strangest reasoning that I will never understand. This person fixates on the stupidest things, moreso than myself, which I find kind of pathetic. It's a very you scratch my back I scratch your back kind of mindset which, in theory, sounds great, but in reality, can never work out that way. In order for things to work, you need to give for a while before even expecting to get anything in return, but when the person you've been "scratching" helps scratch your back, it's probably really worth it right?
Now we've come full circle with the topic I originally intended to write about, which is sick and tired of waiting to get something, some kind of effort in return. So where do you draw the line? Being the only one providing in what is supposed to be a two sided deal, what can you do or what should you do? Bitch and moan about it for a while like me and then eventually brush these doubtful feelings aside, or firmly and decidely find better?
If I had one person I could solidly depend on for every single thing in my life, I wouldn't have to constantly write these posts. I want a best friend, not a few semi-close friends that I don't keep in touch with on a regular basis. k thanks, world.
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