Although no one who reads this blog would ever believe me, I think I'm a fairly private person. I have a core group of friends who I confide in on a regular basis. I think of them as my foundation because I don't think I would be able to hold myself up without them. I personally hate when people "reach out" to every single person they talk to about every single one of their problems. If you ask me, people who do that don't want advice at all; they just want pity from the whole world. I'm a hide your dirty laundry (figurative meaning, not literal... definitely not literal) kind of girl. Just a thought.

I've been less sure of the future lately. In the past, I was confident that I would grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids. But reflecting on these past few years and all the deaths that occured out of no where, I'm realizing that tomorrow is not guaranteed. That's scary. I am scared of the future.

I do so many things in my life because I believe it will pay off in the end. Sacrificing now for the future? Wtf is that? If you do that all your life, you'll die before you'll reap any of the benefits from all your sacrifices. But even in a realistic scenerio, how likely is it that your future will be better off if you sacrifice happiness now.

I've looked at life SO wrong in the past. Doing things for the future when it's not guaranteed. I should be doing things because I want to and not doing things that I don't want to.

When it comes down to it, it's always about balance. If only I could sacrifice a little here and there but still enjoy my life as a teenager.

Today I laughed a lot. Thanks to Tracy. Maybe life in high school would have been happier and less stressful with her around to lighten the mood. I miss middle school. Retrospectively, middle school was a piece of cake.

I wish I didn't need money to make me happy.