I've tried so hard to just preoccupy myself, but I'm finally without the company of another person and I just feel so alone. That sense of security I felt when you were here, just sleeping on my bed as I stayed up to do homework is what I miss the most. I hate to define my self worth on someone else, but your love, or what I perceived as your love, made me feel confident and wonderful. There is nothing that boosts a person's confidence more than being loved by someone else. Knowing that someone else sees something positive in you that you may not be able to see is so reassuring and a different kind of happiness that isn't exactly loud or apparent just gives you an indescribable confident. It's something that people don't usually accurately define or pinpoint, but its power is amazing. You know that glow a person has when they are happily in love? It's sort of like that, but even less obvious and you don't know it was there until it's suddenly gone.

The best way to explain why I feel so shitty is because I feel unwanted. I just want to be wanted. I want someone to accept me for who I am and love me for who I am. Sure my friends love me, but there's a limit for friends. I guess it was nice to feel like that for a while. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

I wish time would fast forward so I stop being so sad. I need to move on with my life.